Mixed Girl Thoughts

You ever tell yourself you’re going to do something for so long and then surprise yourself when you finally do it? That’s me… right now… with this blog.

At first, this idea ocurred to me after a night with my Mom a long time ago. I had just come home from visiting my boyfriend, now husband, in the UK for the summer. She had just told me about a week or two before that she was leaving my Dad.

Talk about a coming home present, am I right?

However, she didn’t talk shit about my Dad. Instead we talked about being women, especially being mixed women. The feeling of lost identity. The feeling of not knowing where you belong. I immediately thought to myself, in my slightly wine drunk stupor, “Hey, this would be a good idea for a blog or a podcast!”

Fast forward three years later and I have just now, after multiple attempts, decided to fully attempt. Not a drill.

So here we are.

Growing up as a mixed kid, I was never fully aware that there was anything called race, per se. I knew that I had brown skin, my Mom, even though she is mixed, had light colored skin, and my Dad had black skin. Simple. But, funnily enough, I remember the exact moment that my mind became a lot more aware.

I was in second grade and it was MLK week (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.). The school televisions broadcasted a film about the Civil Rights movement and what that meant for United States and Black Americans. I was dumbfounded. I could not believe what I was watching. Police attack dogs, hoses spraying people down, lynchings, etc. I could not fathom doing that to someone or that happening to me. It made me so emotional. We had lunch after that film ended, and I remember looking to my best friend at the time (she was white), and saying to her “Could you imagine if that happened to us?”

She said some kind of snarky comment, like “Well it’s not, so stop talking about it”, and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about it at all. From then on, I was hyper aware of my race and how that affected my interactions with people. I mean, I knew people were racists but I didn’t know the terms. People would stare at my parents holding hands in a Dick’s Sporting Goods with disgust. This was in the early 2000s!

Now, as an adult and married to a white man in one of the most bizarrely racist countries in the world (England), I am more aware of my race than ever before. I don’t let it bother me, and I don’t get emotional, but I am aware. It’s that feeling like someone’s watching you all the time when you’re out in public. And there is! It’s white people who have nothing better to do.

I am expected to move out of white people’s way when they make no effort to also move out of mine. I am notoriously bougie (and I know it) and am constantly stared at in bougie spaces. It is as if they’re asking themselves how the hell I am able to shop there (like there’s a price tag to walk around the department store or something). It is incredibly uncomfortable but kind of hilarious. You’re that threatened, somehow, by me? Laughable, honestly.

The biggest reflection of my race being an issue is with certain member’s of my husband’s family. Those relationships being nonexistent have caused so much sadness within me. It’s incredibly frustrating, because I have gone out of my way to be social, friendly, and kind with all of them. Even when they insulted me or made me feel less than. It was my first time being in a white space and not being able to chameleon my way through it (a skill many mixed people possess).

You see, as as a mixed person, you code switch constantly. You know what you can say around one side of your family and not the other, and vice versa. The lingo is different, the culture is different, and the vibe is different. Not in a bad way, just different. It is like speaking a different language without the actual language changing. Being mixed or black or brown comes with it’s own set of challenges. Especially if you add any sort of intersectionality into the mix.

But I digress…

Sitting there, having a glass of wine with my Mom, made me realize that there has to be others who feel this way. People are struggling to figure out where they belong in the world in general, but especially mixed women. We’re often objectified, fetishized, or vilified (like Meghan, Duchess of Sussex) just for being ourselves. How dare a mixed woman have some whimsy and joy (and flower sprinkles)!

I want Mixed Girl Thoughts to be a community for all mixed women to find themselves in. To feel heard, to feel seen, and to feel joy in being understood. And if you’re not mixed, that’s okay. You’re still welcome here, too. The point is that unlike those census or diversity surveys where you have to check either black or white, Mixed Girl Thoughts is that magical third option where you can just be yourself. Whatever that looks like for you.

So pour a glass of wine, eat some cheese, and have great conversations with like minded people in the comment section.

It might be three years late, but welcome to Mixed Girl Thoughts.

J

P.S.

Lots of good stuff on the way… stay tuned!